Whenever someone says, “Scott, you’re a winner” I don’t get overly excited, as the context of “winner” usually turns out to be derogatory.
The act of “winning” involves a victory of some sorts. Whether cashing in on a large prize from that one-dollar scratch-off ticket, or winning $35k from that slip-and-fall lawsuit you settled with Walmart, these victories deserve some sort of celebration.
Luck plays a lot into the act of “winning.” Luck is never on my side when I walk into a casino. I have been lucky at times tho. I did win a free Big Mac during the last round of McDonald’s Monopoly game. I got lucky one Friday night…. but we’ll save that for another time.
I am about to break open the Colt 45 pounder I’ve been saving for a lucky, winning victory celebration after receiving notification that, “The prestigious Microsoft® Windows XP Corporations wishes to inform you that your e-mail address emerged as one of their online lucky Winners selected from our private computerized lottery drawn here in London United Kingdom and this selection process was carried out through a random selection in our Computerized Email Selection System (C.E.S.S.) from a database of over a million email addresses from the world wide web.”
Imagine this, me an “online lucky winner” chosen from the “Computerized Email Selection System” otherwise known as C.E.S.S. This must certainly be my lucky day. After all, my email address was selected from over “a million email addresses from the world wide web.” The odds were definitely in my favor this time around.
The email goes on to say, “This promotion was set-up to encourage the active users of the Internet Microsoft® Windows. Hence we do believe that with your winning prize, you will continue to be
active and patronage to the Microsoft® Windows XP Corporations. Therefore you have won the sum of £500,000.00 pounds {Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds}. A winning cheque will be issued in your name by the Microsoft® Windows XP Corporation and also a certificate of prize claims will be sent to you along side with your winnings cheque. You are to make contact with your designated agent who shall by duty, guide you through the process of facilitating the release of your Prize.”
Bad English and poor grammar aside, we’re talking about “Five Hundred Thousand Great British Pounds” here. I wonder who this mysterious “Microsoft Windows XP Corporation” is. Wait, there is a contact person listed in the email:
Zentec Security
Mr Astrid Pedersen
Email:zenteclitd@execs.com
Direct Tel.Line;+44(0)702-404-4595
I guess I could spare the couple bucks it’s going to cost me in long distance charges to call the UK and chat with Mr. Pedersen. After all, a half-million pounds is going to be heading my way, I should be able to afford it. But alas, I must resign myself to giving up on this pittance of a half-million pounds, I just received another email from Mr. Loni Negroni a political prisoner from Nigeria. He wants to give me $12 million.
Boy am I a winner today.