"Put A Tiger In Your Tank." Or, "A Golfer's Guide to Driving."

I’m not a golf fan.

The game to me is boring.

Before you ask, yes, I did play.

Once.

I’d much rather drive the cart and fat men don’t wear plaid.

So when Tiger Woods was involved in a car accident I didn’t think twice about it until I started hearing about the bizarre circumstances surrounding the crash.

Let me set the scene, it’s Friday morning, 2:25am, Woods leaves his estate driving the drug dealer’s ride of choice, a 2009 Cadillac Escalade when he slams into a fire hydrant and a neighbors tree. (I wonder what the marketing people over at Buick are saying about this.)

When the police arrive Mrs. Woods was seen hovering over Tiger as he lay in the street. The Mrs. heard the crash and ran out of the house wielding what else – a golf club – and proceeded to use the club to smash a back window to get her husband out of the SUV. I wonder if it were an iron or a wood?

Here’s where it gets tricky.

The police say alcohol wasn’t involved. I say, bullshit.

On the morning of the accident the National Enquirer ran a cover story about Tiger’s “mistress.” According to the Enquirer’s website:

Tiger Woods’ shocking car crash has put the world’s spotlight on Rachel Uchitel — the New York City party girl who has been caught up in a cheating scandal with the multimillionaire golf superstar, in a story reported exclusively by the NATIONAL ENQUIRER in its new issue.

Could this be the reason Tiger left the house in the wee small hours of the morning? Could he and the missus been in a heated argument over the article? Could the golf club been destined for him instead of the back window?

Enquiring minds want to know.

Tiger’s keepers aren’t saying much other than the standard, “he’s been in an accident, and is doing fine.”

Now folks, I’ve been known to down six or seven martini’s at a clip and know that drinking and driving makes for the deadliest of cocktails. In my most sober moment I’ve never taken out a fire hydrant and a tree before. So to say alcohol wasn’t involved doesn’t sit well with me.

Can this be a case of law enforcement aiding in the cover-up of a celebrity’s misfortune to avoid negative publicity? It stinks and the smell is getting stronger.

The notion of a potential cover-up is more important to me right now than whether he was having an affair with some gold-digger with implants. Nobody should be given “special” treatment because of their status, but it happens all the time, and I’m hoping it didn’t happen here, but I have my doubts.

If there indeed was a cover-up there are a lot of questions that need to be answered and the officials in charge of the investigation need to go. It will be interesting to see what happens as this story continues to unfold.

Fore!