I love my TiVo.
I’ve had one since they first hit the market several years ago and have quickly become addicted to the point where I can’t watch TV unless that TiVo remote is in my hand and I can pause or rewind live TV.
A few weeks ago, the TiVo in my bedroom died, so I bit the bullet and purchased the latest and greatest TiVo, the TiVo Premier. Unlike the unit it replaced, the Premier only accepts a multi-stream cable card. A cable card is the little electronic device the cable companies used to decode your digital channels so you can use a device like a TiVo instead of a cable box. My previous box had two single-stream cards, so in order to get the Premier to work, a visit from Comcast was required.
Having had enough of only 13 viewable channels until I get around to ordering that multi-stream cable card, I finally fired up my web browser and started a live chat session with a Comcast rep to setup an appointment to have that card installed.
Let the excerpts from the chat below serve as a lesson to businesses on how to tick off a customer:
scott > I just got a tivo premier and need to replace the two single stream cable cards i have with one multi stream card.
Maria > Hello scott_, Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is Maria. Please give me one moment to review your information.
Maria > How are you doing today? How can I give you 100% satisfaction?
scott_ > I just got a tivo premier and need to replace the two single stream cable cards i have with one multi stream card.
Maria > I see here that you want to replace you S-cable card to Multistream cable card, right?
scott_ > yrs
Maria > Let me connect you to our Sales team to process this for you, Scott.
scott_ > ok
Maria > Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst
ConnieFe > Welcome to Sales Department! It is nice to have you on chat, how are you today?
scott_ > fine thanks
scott_ > I just got a tivo premier and need to replace the two single stream cable cards i have with one multi stream card.
ConnieFe > Great! I’ll be glad to assist you on this.
ConnieFe > Please allow me to pull up your account information so that I can properly assist you on this in the most efficient way possible.
scott_ > ok
ConnieFe > I am still pulling up your service address. One moment, please.
scott_ > ok
ConnieFe > Just to verify, you have an existing account on this service address, right?
scott_ > correct
ConnieFe > Thank you for confirming that.
ConnieFe > I have pulled up your account and I’m seeing here that you have our Standard cable and Performance Internet services.
scott_ > yes
ConnieFe > Thank you for verifying.
ConnieFe > I understand you want to order for a multi stream card to replace the two single stream cable cards. Is this correct?
scott_ > correct
ConnieFe > Alright, let me check on this for you.
All of a sudden, along comes a “canned” sales pitch for a completely unrelated service which ConnieFe thinks I need based on my request for a multi-stream cable card:
ConnieFe > Thank you. We are now offering a new low-cost Service Protection Plan that will provide you with worry-free protection for any potential in-home wiring problem with your cable TV, High Speed Internet or telephone service. With the protection plan, if anything goes wrong with the inside wiring, a professionally-trained technician will identify the problem and fix it quickly. This plan will provide you with an alternative to potential service call charges, which is about $30-$50. This low cost service protection plan is only $3.95 a month and is added to your monthly bill for your convenience. Would you like to have the Service Protection Plan added to your account today?
scott_ > no. i just want to make an appintment please
The service plan she’s trying to pitch is obviously the “Comcast Product of the Month” because a simple “no” didn’t stop Ms. ConnieFe from trying to get her spiff:
ConnieFe > I understand. Please allow me to share the coverage of our Service Protection Plan: 1. All internet cable wiring from the point of demarcation to the home; 2. All fittings for the cable internet service inside the home; 3. Trouble call charges due to customer diagnostics, education, or customer equipment and 4. Damages to internet cable or equipment inside the house due to normal wear.
scott_ > NO!
scott_ > please give me available times for an appointmentConnieFe > That’s fine. I am still checking on our system for your request. I hope you don’t mind.
Then I finally realized that the 17 minutes I spent on live chat was wasted.
ConnieFe > Scott, let me inform you that the multi stream card is not available in all markets.
ConnieFe > However, let me further check on this for you just to make sure.
ConnieFe > Thank you for patiently waiting.ConnieFe > I have double checked on our system and it seems that the multi stream cable card is not available here online. For this, I may need to suggest for you to visit our local office or call 1-800-2662278. Our phone counterparts can further assist you on this.
ConnieFe > I will be more than happy to provide you with our local office information.
scott_ > well this was a complete waste of my time.
ConnieFe > Analyst has closed chat and left the room
Unfortunately I still haven’t had the opportunity to make that phone call, so my new TiVo Premier sits lonely with its 13 channels of mindless dribble flowing through its coax looking for a multi-stream cable card to make its (and my) life complete.