When the valet delivered my car yesterday, he handed me a card announcing the new “Auto Spa” being offered at the club I belong to.
For a brief moment, I was excited. Then I realized that anytime you throw the word “spa” onto something it commands a higher price.
I’m used to taking my car down the block to the neighborhood drive-it-in-yourself car wash where the machine does all the spritzing, spraying and blowing for a very reasonable three-bucks. If it rains the next day, I’m not too disappointed, as I only spent the equivalent of a draft beer.
I looked over the services being offered at the new “Auto Spa” and saw that a regular car wash will set me back $25 plus 18% gratuity. If I want the deluxe, which includes the act of buffing, I’ll have to shell out $75 plus the extra 18%.
As I drove home, I chatted with Mr. Benz and explained that while I appreciate the reliability, comfort, dependability and companionship he provides, I’m not ready to send him to the spa. I did however remind him that in just under a thousand miles, he will be getting his oil changed – and that’s something any man can appreciate.
$25 for a car wash may not seem like a lot to some folks, but I’m going to stick with my $3 wash down the street. If I travel a few miles to the north, I can get a wash which includes a quick vacuum of the interior and a window washing for only $4.95 – which is why they so appropriately named the place, the 4.95 Car Wash.
The car wash isn’t the only place you’ll find products and services inflated by the addition of a fancy name. Check your local fast food joint, throw “Deluxe” in front of a 1/4 burger, add some sexy sounding mayonaiseque spread and you’ve got a burger that costs $2 more than the non-deluxe with 30-cents less ingredients.
While looking through a magazine yesterday, I saw a pair of $150 swim trunks bearing some fancy sounding designer name that are probably made in some sweatshop in China for less than a buck. They very closely resembled the pair of Tommy Bahama trunks I have that I picked up at Macy’s for $35 with a 10% off coupon.
Then there’s gasoline.
You won’t find me buying the Super, the SuperDooper, or the SuperMax Blend that costs more per gallon than a case of Keystone Light. My car calls for 91, but I’ll be dammed if I’ll let it drink anything more than 89.
My one lady friend keeps reminding me that she’s “not cheap, just frugal.” And that “there’s a difference.”
I think we’re spending way too much time together.
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Now onto the mail bag:
From email: Does Pay-Per-Click (PPC) advertising work?
Does the Pope say mass on Sunday? Pay-Per-Click advertising is the most effective form of online advertising that brings you instant gratification. Unlike SEO, pay-per-click campaigns can be turned on and off in a second and can be tweaked to provide the maximum rate of return. While a lot of people hate to spend thousands of dollars in PPC advertising a month, it’s something that all site owners need to do to drive traffic to their websites. If you don’t know what you’re doing and aren’t effectively managing your advertising campaigns, you’re probably losing more money than you’re bringing in. Hire a pro.
From email: With The Three Stooges movie coming out soon, which was your favorite Stooge?
I always though Shemp was the best. I wasn’t a Curley fan. Hated Curley Joe and thought Joe Besser was a stooge for even attempting to be a Stooge. Shemp however was a great Stooge.
From Facebook: You take a lot of cruises, do you think it’s safe to take one in light of all the news about ship safety lately?
Yes. Despite the news of the Costa Concordia, the fires that broke out on the other Costa ship and most recently the Azamara Quest, cruising remains the safest way to travel. I worry more about flying on a 30 year old 737-300 than I do a cruise ship.
From YouTube: You’re fat.
Thank you. And you look like a chimpanzee. Go eat a banana.
From Facebook: What’s your favorite Easter candy?
Cadbury Mini Eggs. Without a doubt. And before you ask, I hate Peeps.
From Facebook: Do you still own your pet websites?
No. The majority of my eCommerce stores were sold to Drs. Foster & Smith in April 2006. A few that remained were sold to various people in October 2011. I am now store-less.
From email: I remember listening to your radio show about pets and hearing the stories about your dogs. How are they doing and how is your side-kick Paul Grimes?
At the time I was doing the show, I was owned by Baby, Peanut, Donald and Freckles. They have all since passed away with the exception of Baby who is around 16 years old, overweight like me, sleeps an awful lot, owns the house but doesn’t pay the mortgage and still pees and poops on wee wee pads with an occasional miss.Paul, who I first met when he owned WBRX in Berwick PA and later worked with at WARD in Pittston PA passed away a few years ago. He and I did the show for three seasons and had a blast doing it. I was very happy and fortunate to have had the opportunity to work with him over the years.