Advertising has been around since the first lady of the evening turned the porch light on. My favorite ads are not those we see today that were created with more technology than what was aboard the spacecraft that carried the first man to the moon. My favorites are the vintage ads from decades ago that appeared in poster form or in magazines and newspapers.
I especially enjoy the old travel posters that feature an ocean liner or airplane promoting a vacation to some exotic land of enchantment. Those posters, with all their color, take you to Tahiti or Hawaii via a visual trip into your imagination. Viewing them you can almost smell the flowers or feel the warm ocean breeze waft across your face. They made you want to get on that plane or walk up the gangway onto that ship and become an explorer.
But not all ads are created equal. Take my sampling of some of the strangest ads from years gone by. Ads that may have good intentions then, but are just downright strange today. These are the ones, unlike those travel posters, that didn’t withstand the test of time and make us scratch our head and say, WTF?
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[singlepic id=15 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] American Airlines: “Think of Her as Your Mother” This seductive siren of the skies has never worked any flights that I’ve been on! While the ad may have hit the mark with the “our stewardesses will take good care of you on American” theme, it missed the mark with the “Mother” reference. I never thought of my mother in a sexy pose showing off a little cheesecake and if I did, I would have talked to Freud. While we all could appreciate a little beauty during a long flight, mom just doesn’t do it for me. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=16 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Mr. Leggs: “It’s Nice to Have a Girl Around the House” In other words, women should be barefoot, pregnant and walked all over like a rug. Certainly this ad appeared long before the Women’s Liberation Movement, but what does it have to do with men’s slacks? And does anyone else think the legs on this gentlemen are a little long? Must be all that Dacron. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=17 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] The Nipple Bra: “Imagine Having that Cold Weather Look all the Time” Ok, there is just something downright WRONG with this, or is there? I guess it all depends. Since such wearables don’t exist today (that I know of) I can only assume that the glass cutter’s look didn’t fly. I’m still trying to find out if they manufactured the “Shrinkage Speedo” so men can also have that “Cold Weather Look.” Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=18 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Mr. Scarol: “Attention Warewolfs” I didn’t realize that the Wolfman Jack look was so popular, nor did I realize that women went for these strange looking men with fangs. If you’re a greying wolf and you’re hunting for a cougar, I guess you needed that extra help getting some color back into your life. Woof! Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=19 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Unknown: “Smoking is Believing” Smoking is also the leading contributor to lung cancer and can actually kill you. But since puffing on a Camel or sucking down a Lucky Strike was the “in thing” to do back then, why not have a propaganda campaign to go along with those radio ads promoting cigs that were “round, full and firmly packed, so smooth and easy on the draw.” That even sounds sexy! Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=20 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Love’s Baby Soft: “Innocence” The second I saw this ad, I said to myself, “Jon Benet Ramsay.” Having a seemingly underage girl in a seductive pose with “innocence” in the headline is just a little creepy for me. An ad like this today would land someone on the psychologist’s couch, as it should. If it looks like exploitation and it smells like exploitation, it must be exploitation. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=21 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Cellophane Bread: “Children of the Corn” There’s a few things wrong with this ad. The first is obvious, with a name like “Cellophane Bread” it’s no wonder it’s not on your grocer’s shelves today. The second is the Dr. Evil look the girl is giving while jelly is being spread on the brand that was. Her eyes, her smile, the clenched hands make me think she’s saying, “Give me that freaking knife when you’re done and I’ll show you who’s toast.” Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=22 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Daisy: “A Christmas to Remember” It certainly will be a Christmas to remember when the militia visits your midwestern home on Christmas Eve and drops off guns for the whole family. Nothing says “Merry Christmas” better than a gun. Especially when the family argument breaks out before dessert and the county coroner neatly wraps everyone in a body bag for transport to the morgue. Silent night. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=23 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Douglas Aircraft: “From the Ground Up” Remember those travel posters I talked about. The ones that transport your imagination to some exotic destination? This is NOT the destination I was talking about! Who thought that an up-the-skirt shot of two very young girls was acceptable? Try to get away with this today! Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=24 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Lysol: “The Original Intention” Presumably Dave does not want to get intimate with a wife who’s a little too stale. So what is one to do? Pour a little Lysol down there sweetheart! Yes, Lysol. It’s original purpose was for feminine hygiene, but along the way they realized it cleaned floors better than sensitive body parts. Freshness never smelled better. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=25 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Unknown: “Self Mutilation” I look at the pig as one of the most tasteful animals. Ham, bacon, pork, it’s all good. In fact, it’s all VERY good. Now I’m having second thoughts. Did the creator of this ad think that a pig slicing himself into pieces would really make someone hungry? Besides, it’s not the proper way of butchering. I think. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=26 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Pakistan International Airlines: “New York” Eerie. Enough said. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=27 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Tipalet: “Low Blow” “Blow in her face and she’ll follow you anywhere.” I will refrain from what’s REALLY going through my head right now and just say that if someone blew smoke in my face, I’d punch them. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=28 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Public Service Announcement: “VD” Our men in uniform are at it again. Looking for loose women, trolling around in back alleys and not using their raincoat when it’s going to rain. How do you get them to stop? Put a good looking woman on a poster and link her to syphilis and gonorrhea. In other words, you ARE better off “beating the axis.” Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=29 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=right] Lucky Strike: “Lung Cancer for Christmas” Those cryptic letters on a pack of Lucky’s – L S M F T – stood for Lucky Strike Means Fine Tobacco. So fine that even Santa was smoking them. The jolly old fat man not only suffered from obesity, high blood pressure and high cholesterol, this ad reveals he also suffered from lung cancer, shortness of breath, and one horrible cough. Click the photo to enlarge. |
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[singlepic id=30 h=200 mode=web20|watermark float=left] Chase and Sanborn: “Wife Beater” If your husband finds out the coffee you just served him isn’t fresh, he’s going to beat the crap out of you. It wasn’t until I saw this ad that I realized that S & M stood for Chase and Sanborn. Click the photo to enlarge. |